Just Breathe
by BecauseJonasLives
Summary: I stumble into the water. I can’t see anything, everything around me is black and I can’t catch my breath. I’m not sure where I am anymore all I know is that these are my last few moments being able to think straight.


17

Sam Heflin

Andrews 1X

09/18/09

I'm not sure what kind of genre this really is. My main characters always have to overcome a tough obstacle. For some reason when I'm writing I like to kill off one of the main characters but never in a murderous way. They always die leaving some sort of impact on the other main character. I like their deaths to be heartfelt. I guess I like writing heartfelt tragedies.

Just Breathe

There was a slight summer breeze coming in through my half-open window blowing my red and white curtains inward as my alarm rang endlessly through my ears. This was just another typical Wednesday morning. I heard my dad call from the kitchen downstairs, "Skylarrrrrr! Get down here girl! You need to leave soon or you'll be late, again!" His nagging voice drives me crazy but I looked at the clock and he was right. It was 6:00 on the dot. I needed to eat, grab my suits and bag, and be at the pool for swim practice in 15 minutes or I'd be later for the second time this week. I'm always late. It's gotten to the point where my coach just expects me to come in 15 minutes later than the rest of the team. The fact that he expects it though, doesn't make it okay. For every minute I'm late I owe 15 pushups. Add it up. 15 pushups times 15 minutes equals one very strong upper body. I jiggle my arms around. They're exceedingly sore so I decide to just grab a banana on my way out the door in hopes of getting to practice earlier to save my arms from a few extra pushups. I put my mesh bag in the back seat of my Orange 2009 Lotus, hopped in the driver's seat and was off to the YMCA.

There are a few things you should probably know about me. First, my name is Skylar Blake. I'm 16 years old and a junior at Aurora Strike High, or ASH. I have blue eyes, chocolate brown hair that lies right at my mid back, ivory colored skin and an obvious build of a swimmer with a small torso and broad shoulders. I stand on the short end at 5 feet 2 inches tall which is alright with me. I don't mind being short. Second, I don't date. I've had boyfriends before, but they've always been a waste of time. My life runs on a very precise schedule all centered around swimming. Therefore, I don't have time for boys to complicate things. And third, my mother died of lung cancer when I was just 13. She left everything she owned to me. Although I can't get the house until I turn 18 the court did let me have the car on my 16th birthday and I get 800 dollars each month, the amount will increase once I turn 18

I pull into the parking lot at the Y, run to the locker rooms, change and I'm out on the deck only 3 minutes late. Thank God, only 45 pushups today. "Hey Skylar, Come see me when you're done." Coach Herlinger called out. I finish my pushups and walk over to the crate Coach is sitting on watching the team.

"Hey Coach, What'd you need?" I ask.

He looks me straight in the eye and says "Skylar, I have a letter for you in my hand from Auburn University in Alabama. They have invited you and Kevin down to the campus for a college invitational. You will be down there practicing for 2 months and the meet will be the first week in August. Only 12 high school swimmers in the entire country have been invited and only you and one other girl going are juniors, the other swimmers are all seniors in high school or on the college level. I already told Kevin about it and of course he accepted but I wanted to talk to you because I know you've been doing this for 8 years, and I know you're burning out. Your dedication is lacking and it's showing in your performance. If you accept this invitation I expect to see you here 15 minutes before practice starts and stay another 30 minutes after everyone leaves. You have tremendous talent and recently you've been throwing it away. This is the college every swimmer dreams about. If you accept the invitation to this meet then you will eat, sleep, and swim. That's it. For the next few months you will be giving up your entire social life. Is that okay with you?"

I didn't even have to think about it. This is opportunity I've been waiting on, an opportunity to finally redeem myself.

I look him dead in the eye. "Yes Coach, I accept."

"Good," he said "You leave Friday morning. You and Kevin will meet here first and I'll give you the plane tickets, then you two will ride to the airport together. Good luck."

After my 3 and a half hour practice, I'm driving home and all I can think about is spending over 2 months with Kevin. Kevin's a senior this year at ASH. He's 17, has shaggy blond hair and beautiful hazel eyes. He's muscular, pale, and somewhere between 5'8 and 5'9. See, me and Kevin have a past. We had been the very best of friends since I was 5 and he was 6 years old. We were absolutely inseparable. Our parents always joked about how we were going to get married one day. Then my mom died. After that tragic day I went into isolation. I went to swim practice less and less, I missed school often, and I stopped socializing all together. This was the point in my life where I desperately needed someone to be there for me, to tell me to hold on, and that everything will get better. Kevin didn't do that. He was scared. I was slowly losing myself and he didn't know what to do so instead he backed out of my life completely. We stopped hanging out, stopped calling each other, stopped talking at practices and eventually we stopped talking altogether. Things between us haven't been the same since. We barely look in each other's direction. It's sad when best friends suddenly become strangers.

That night I dream about the invitational. I'm on the block getting ready to dive in for the 200 freestyle, I take my mark, the official's buzzer goes off, I go for the dive, but I can't move. My feet are glued to the block. I can't step off and I can't dive in. I'm just stuck there. Everything goes black and I'm just standing there in the middle of oblivion, then I wake up. Thursday night I had the same dream only Kevin was standing behind me on the block. He didn't smile, didn't say good luck, and didn't even wave. He was just there. I wake up to my annoying alarm clock once again only earlier this time. 4:38 a.m. I feel sweaty and groggy but I grab my bags and have a few waffles for breakfast. My dad's in the foyer waiting for me.

"Sky," he says, "I want you to go out and give this your all. Prove to everyone that you're still the swimmer that won nationals as a 13 year old. Prove to them that you still have what it takes to be the best. I support you 100% baby. Good luck down there. Call and update me whenever you get the chance." He hands me some money and kisses me on the forehead.

"Bye Daddy" I say as I reach for the door.

I need some music to wake me up so I turn my iPod player on and switch to my "Pump Up" play list. Immediately Heart of a Champion by Nelly comes on. I nod my head to the beat and mouth the words all the way to the YMCA. Waiting for me there outside is Kevin and Coach Herlinger. We don't waste time on goodbyes. He just hands us the tickets and tells Kevin that we'll be riding to the airport in my car. He has an apprehensive look on his face but he has no other choice then to follow me back to my Lotus. Never before in my life have I been a part of such an awkward car ride. We don't say a word. Not one. We're barely even breathing. It's as if neither of us wants our presence to be known. Besides the slight background music of my iPod, all is completely silent until in a very hushed tone Kevin turned to me and practically whispers, "I'm so sorry."

It takes me a second to understand that I didn't just imagine it. I slow down and turn to face Kevin. He has a hurt expression on his face, but he's not looking me in the eyes. He can't. He says it again, "I'm sorry Skylar, I really am."

I'm not sure what to say so I just tell him its okay and keep driving.

His voice is in normal audibility this time as he says, "No Sky, It's really not okay. I was there for you through everything, then when you needed me the very most I left. I just walked away and I've never forgiven myself for it. I was so terrified. I just didn't know what to do and I figured you'd be fine. I thought you just needed some space and time to yourself."

"But I didn't Kevin! That's not what I needed. My grades dropped, I lost all of my friends, and I no longer had swimming to comfort me. It was a living nightmare. I needed a friend. I needed a friend so desperately, but I didn't need just any friend. I needed you. I felt like I was drowning and the only person I could count on to pull me up for air chose not to." I said this in an almost harsh tone but it wasn't intended that way.

Kevin looks me in the eye now, very guiltily and says "I know that now, I only wish I had known that sooner. I wish I had helped you the way a best friend should."

"Kev" I say. After a long pause I continue. "I don't want to talk about this. It was 3 years ago. We can't change the past, we can only affect the present and the future, and I want you in both. Let's forget our mistakes and start over with a clean slate. Please" I say in an almost pleading voice.

"Yes," Kevin agrees, "That's exactly what we need, a fresh start. I'm not letting you down this time."

I didn't believe things were just going to change and immediately go back to being how they were before, but at least it was a start. It started out as small talk, but by the time the plane had landed, we unloaded and were in the rental car on the way to the hotel we we're already telling each other everything that had happened in our lives in the past three years. He told me about his problem with seizures and I told him about my cat dying. His was bigger news but it was good to be friends again.

Practices for the Auburn invitation were crucial to say the least. Every morning we swam for two hours, had drylands for an hour, then we swam for another hour. We went back to our hotel rooms, ate, slept, and then came back in the afternoon for another two hours of swimming. My arms felt heavier then 3 tons of bricks, my legs would barely lift to walk up the stairs as if I had weights attached to each foot, and my abs felt like they were burning a hole right through my stomach. I've never been so sore in my entire life. I was so glad I had my own hotel room. I was not about to let my competition see me feeling weak. I took an ice bath, sucked up the pain and kept swimming. I know it all paid off when the first day of the invitational finally arrived. The first day's events included the 200 back, 50 free, and 400 IM, none of which I'm very good at. I planned on just trying to get a personal best in these events, not place. Kevin though was stoked for the 200 back. That's his best event so I figured I would cheer him on. Right before he jumped in the water for the start he took his medicine for his seizures then handed me the bottle to hold onto while he swam. I saw him shiver once he hit the water, then he warmed up. The buzzer went off and the race had started. He wasn't off to a great start, barely taking fourth for the first 100 meters. He really kicked it in on his finish to come out on second place with a best time. That was phenomenal. My races that day were alright, but nothing compared to Kevin's. He was now the fourth fastest male youth 200 meter backstroker in the U.S. We grabbed Landon and Bridget, two fraternal twins we had met at the meet and headed back to our hotel to celebrate. Sure, it wasn't first place but to him it still felt like a victory. Bridget and Landon were both seniors. Bridget had straight black hair down just below her shoulders and green eyes while Landon's hair was obviously more of a lighter brown but he also had the same emerald green eyes as Bridget. Landon placed third in the 200 backstroke, right behind Kevin. We ate popcorn and danced around to old songs until somewhere around 11 when we decided to hit the hay, having to wake up at 7:30 spoils all the fun.

The next morning I wake up more pumped then I've ever been before. My two best events are today, the 200 free and the 100 fly. I wake up Kevin so we can go down to breakfast together then to the pool. Once at the pool I put on my race suit and get ready to warm up.

"Hey Sky, I'm gonna warm up by myself in the indoor pool. I need to focus." Kevin tells me right before I jump in.

"Alright, just make sure you're back before the first event!" I yell as he's walking away. After warm ups me, Kevin, Landon, and Bridget sit under the tents and play some cards to try and relax our nerves. Although it was 45 minutes later, it felt like only moments after I sat down that I heard the official call over the loudspeaker for event 33 to come to the blocks. Bridget and I got up and walked to our lanes for the 100 fly. She was in lane 5, the fastest lane, while I was in lane 3, the third fastest lane. I was determined to make this race count for something. It was my first big race of the meet, my first race that I actually felt confident about.

"Swimmers step up" the official said.

I got up on the block.

"Swimmers take your mark."

My left foot is forward while my right foot is back. I bend down and grab the edge of the block putting my weight on my front foot.

_BEEP._

I push off the block and hit the water. I'm going as fast as I can, trying to keep the rhythm. I see the girl in lane four slow down. My only competition now is Bridget. She knows I'm close. We're both fighting for a strong first place finish but in the end I grunt it out and finish .3 seconds in front of her. We get out and of course shake hands and congratulate each other, but now it's the boys turn. Kevin goes up to the blocks.

"Hey Kev, where's your medicine?" I ask curiously seeing as how I'm the one who usually holds it while he swims.

"I'm not sure. I couldn't find it this morning," he says nervously. "I'm scared but just this once I'll have to swim without it."

I don't really know what to say so I just let him go. He does fine. Not a great race but it definitely could have been worse. We have a while before the 200 free so Kevin and I decide to go get a bite to eat at Subway. We sit down and he tells me about his past relationship with a girl named Lillian that failed miserably because she cheated on him. They were together for 8 months and he says he really loved her and I could tell he was being honest by the hurt expression he had on his face just from talking about her. I instantly didn't like her just because of the pain she caused him. He didn't deserve it. I'm about to change the subject when I glance at the clock and decide we need to hurry to get back to the pool.

The boy's 200 free are up first. Kevin still has no idea where his medicine is but he figured he was fine without it for the fly, so he doesn't need it for the free. I'm right behind him ready to cheer him on. He steps up on the block shaking a little. He's probably just nervous. The buzzer goes off and instead of a graceful dive; Kevin wobbles and falls in the water. My mind went blurry. I'm not sure what happened all I know is that all the other boys are swimming their race while Kevin is struggling just to stay above the water.

Kevin's POV

I step up on the block. I'm so ready for this. I didn't need my medicine for the first race so I don't need it for this one either. My legs are a little shaky. I'm so anxious. I take my mark.

_BEEP._

I stumble into the water. I can't see anything, everything around me is black and I can't catch my breath. I'm not sure where I am anymore all I know is that these are my last few moments being able to think straight. I'm falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Every limb on my body is jolting in different directions but I feel nothing. I feel neither pain, nor relief. I can't speak. I can't bring my lips to form words. I hear whistles and sirens and then there's Skylar's voice. Oh sweet, sweet Skylar. Her voice sounds angelic. It's the only thing I focus on as I'm taken out of the water and laid onto some sort of bed. I assume it's a stretcher, but still all I see is darkness so I'm not positive. She tells me everything it's going to be okay, that I'm going to be just fine. She's wrong. I'm not going to be okay. She's so optimistic. One of the many qualities I love about her. I think I'm in the ambulance now. Skylar's there too. _SKYLAR! YOU'RE MISSING YOUR EVENT! GO SWIM! _I try with everything I have in me to scream it at her. But the words won't come out. She's missing the opportunity of a lifetime just to be with me. What a stubborn girl. I wish my mouth would work. I wish I could say this out loud. In fact I wish I could scream it to the world. Skylar Blake, I'm in love with you and now I'm the only one that will ever know.

Skylar's POV

I missed my 200 free. My biggest event, the one that will really get me noticed, and I missed it so I could ride with Kevin in the ambulance to the hospital. I just keep sobbing. I feel so helpless. He keeps going in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he says random phrases out loud other times he just lies there looking stiff. He makes a siren noise, but I'm not sure if he's aware that he's making it. He goes silent again. The paramedics are doing everything they can. I just sit towards the back end of the ambulance and hope, because hoping is all I can do. I hear him begin to whisper again.

"Skylar Blake, I'm in love with you and now I'm the only one that will ever know."

I'm bawling. "No Kevin. You aren't the only one that knows. I know now. I know! We get to the hospital but it's too late. He no longer has a heart beat, or a pulse. He's gone. I grab his lifeless hand, "I love you to Kev," I whisper as my warm tears fall onto his chest. "I really do."

I'm walking around the hospital waiting for my dad. I called him and told him the whole story although I'm not sure if he understood all of it through my wailing. He got on the very next flight from Duck, North Carolina to Auburn, Alabama. I'm delirious. I think I'm going crazy. Kevin's there in everyone I see. He's the nurse walking around with the clipboard going from room to room. He's the little boy in the wheelchair being rolled around by his father. He's the secretary answering phone calls pretending like she actually cares. I even see him as a lone mouse scurrying across the floor underneath a nearby snack machine. This place is full of Kevin's presence. I sit down. Not on a couch or a chair, I just sit down on the floor where I am in the middle of the hallway and stare at the wall ahead of me trying to rid myself of every emotion in my body. I want to feel nothing. I want to be numb.

It was four days ago that Kevin left this world. I remember nothing from those past four days. I don't remember ever leaving the hospital and I don't remember ever coming home but seeing as how I just woke up in my own bed on the day of Kevin's funeral I assume my dad eventually came and got me and brought me home. There were messages for me on the counter written on sticky notes saying that Auburn's coach had called. I threw them aside. I'll deal with that another day. Today is Kevin's day. I'll be making a speech at his funeral. I didn't plan what I was going to say. I'm just going to say exactly what comes to mind. My father drives me to his funeral. I'm not wearing black like everyone else. I'm wearing a simple green dress because green was Kevin's favorite color. My father and I take our seats. First the pastor talks, then his parents talk about him and present a slide show, and then it's my turn. I use my dad to help get to my feet then let go. It feels like a mile from where I'm sitting to the podium when only it was about 15 feet.

"Kevin Hosner was my best friend." I'm trying to be strong but it's just so difficult. "He was a tremendously talented athlete, a very bright student, a wonderful son, and the best friend that I've ever had. Yes, we did have our rough spots but he made living my life so much more bearable. These past few months that I've spent with him have been some of the greatest of my life. Being around him makes anyone instantly smile. That's just the kind of positive affect he had on people." Tears begin to fall down my cheek as I remember the night when me, him, Landon and Bridget were all dancing. I keep picturing his smiling face and how I'll never see it again. "I can't pin point the exact moment when my feelings for him changed but they did. Somewhere between our laughs and inside jokes, and all of our memories good or bad, I fell in love with him. I remember just a few weeks ago looking at him and saying to myself that this is the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We will never know why this happened to our beloved Kevin but I'm sure God has his reasons, and I'm sure it not to punish nor hurt anyone. Kevin was given this life because he was strong enough to live it. I do not regret leaving the invitational's to be with him in the ambulance because wherever he was, was where I was supposed to be. If he didn't get to finish the meet then I sure as hell wasn't going to finish it without him. Remember him how he would want you to, the boy that always had a smile on his face, the boy that believed everyone had good in them, the boy that never gave up, and the boy that could make anyone laugh even when he couldn't bring himself to. Never will I forget the impact he had on my life. Never will I forget the look on his face, how happy he was after he heard he was now the fourth fastest male youth 200 meter backstroker in the U.S. Never will I forget when he said he loved me. Never will I forget him. Never." I step back from the podium and breathe. I just breathe.


End file.
